LOVE – When your eyes meet across a crowded room.

LUST- when your tongues meet across a crowded room.

MARRIAGE – When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.

LOVE – When intercourse is called "making love."

LUST – When intercourse is called "screwing."

MARRIAGE – When intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania. There really is one.

LOVE – When you argue over how many children to have.

LUST – When you argue over who gets the wet spot?

MARRIAGE – When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.

LOVE – When you share everything you own.

LUST – When you steal everything they own.

MARRIAGE – When the bank owns everything.

LOVE – When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.

LUST – When the relationship is over if you don't climax.

MARRIAGE – When . . . Uh . . . what's a climax?

LOVE – When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."

LUST – When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.

MARRIAGE – When you phone each other to ***** about work.

LOVE – When you write poems about your partner.

LUST – When all you write is your phone number.

MARRIAGE – When all you write is checks.

LOVE – When your only concern is for your partner's feelings.

LUST – When your only concern is to find a room with mirrors all-round.

MARRIAGE – When you're only concern is what's on T.V.

LOVE – When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.

LUST – When you only see each other naked.

MARRIAGE – When you never see each other awake.

LOVE – When your heart flutters every time you see them.

LUST – When your groin twitches every time you see them.

MARRIAGE – When your wallet empties every time you see them.

LOVE – When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.

LUST – When the song on the radio determines how you do it.

MARRIAGE – When you listen to talk radio.

LOVE – When breaking up is something you try not to think about.

LUST – When staying together is something you try not to think about.

MARRIAGE – When just getting through the day is your only thought.

LOVE – When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.

LUST – When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.

MARRIAGE – When you're only interested in your golf score.

LOVE – When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk.

LUST – When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have sex.

MARRIAGE – When a rainy day means it's time to clean the basement.

LOVE – You only leave the house to buy coffee and doughnuts.

LUST – You only leave the house to buy condoms and Vaseline.

MARRIAGE – You only leave the house when you're allowed.

"Mom? I've got a question. The guys at school are using words I don't understand."
"What words, dear?"
"Pussy and Bitch."
Mom inhaled sharply, but then said: "Oh, that's easy. A pussy is a cat, like our little Chico. A bitch is a female dog, like our Sandy."
"Thanks, Mom.."
 He then found his Dad out in the garage.
"Dad, the guys at school are using words I don't understand."
"What words, son?"
"Pussy and bitch. I asked Mom, but I don't think she told me the right meanings."
Dad said: "Son, never ask your mother about these things, ask me instead. Let me explain it like this."
He pulled a Playboy from his workbench, turned to the centerfold, drew a circle around the pubic area and said:
"Son, everything inside the circle is pussy."
"Okay, Dad. Then what's a bitch?"
Dad replied: "Everything outside the circle."